Senior Year – Postponed
Senior year 2020 … postponed, canceled …
The altered prom dress hangs on the door; red shoes sit in a box.
On the table are graduation invitations waiting to be addressed.
The blue and white tassel dangles on a hook, no cap or gown.
A musical script sits in a binder; no lights, no stage, no last performance.
New softball gear shines, no sweat or dirt this season.
No dingers this spring, just a tee and net in the yard.
Hard-earned awards go unrecognized as banquets get postponed.
Moments you can’t get back just slip away.
Postponed
Canceled
Senior year slipping away in isolation.
When I started this series called “Senior Year” I never could have imagined, a global pandemic spreading across the world like wildfire. Countries on lockdown, lives at stake, and everything canceled. I would not have predicted that my daughter’s last year of high school would change so abruptly.
To be honest with you; I want to throw myself a giant pity party, but I won’t because my daughter needs me. She needs me to keep my shit together. She needs to know that I am here for her because no one should endure the losses she has had to face.
Her primary school years started with her sister’s first cancer diagnosis. Her freshman year started with her sister’s secondary cancer diagnosis, and then Ava’s passing at the beginning of her sophomore year. NOW her senior year is ending like this!
I am tired and I am grieving. I am SAD!
This is the end of an era without the ending it deserves. I am grieving her childhood, sisterhood, and milestones that have been overshadowed or dismantled.
The very idea that I might not see either one of my children finish high school as expected is soul crushing. That may sound exagatory, but I am keenly aware that every single event is a last for me as a mother.
In a few days, she turns 18…in lockdown. We will make the best of it because that is all we can do. All we can do is to keep doing. We will celebrate each event the best we know, with a grateful heart and a broad perspective, that life is too short. Good or bad, there is never enough time for all the love in your heart so we will make the most of each day together.
We will keep checking off our to-do’s; clean out the garage, address the invitations, put up the patio lights, work in the yard, fill out scholarship applications and so on. For now, there are puzzles to put together, movies to watch, and popcorn to eat.
We will do the best we can with what we have. That is all there is. Life is short, so lockdown or not celebrate the most important thing… the love in your heart.
Godspeed my dear friends! If you have a senior in high school or college give them a hug from me. I am sending all the moms and dads grieving for their children my love during this confusing time.
Senior Year Series:
Senior Year – Last’s Are Inevitable
Dear Future Adult – Senior Year Part 3
