Somewhere

Somewhere not too far in the distant nearby there is a place that holds my confidence, my rational thinking, and my emotional well-being. You see it is just over the hill near the sunset, close to the tree that grows from the core of rock. It is at the end of the cave near the place where the tiniest glimmer of light peaks through the blackest blackness. There is a waterfall near this place, white sandy beaches, and sunshine all day. It is a magical place that only exists in my dreams of dreams.

The place that holds my most precious life skills is unreachable by plane, train, or automobile. There is no key to unlock it or hammer to break in. It is a place I can envision through a constant haze of fog. This is where happiness floats free like the clouds in the sky. This place exists, but the path there keeps changing.

The path is unknown to all.

There is no road map because one day it is rocky and steep. The next day it is muddy and slick. Tomorrow, it might be quicksand or a rough rapid river. This is all uncharted territory, and the blindfold sits damp against my skin. My backpack, although empty, is heavy on my shoulders. The shoes went missing and my feet are bloody with sores. My mouth is dry even as I drink from the salty river of grief.

You see this story seems unreal almost mythical, but in reality, it is the story of unhealable grief. No one knows what the day will bring and to a griever, even the smallest of tasks can equate to climbing a mountain. You cannot imagine the weight the person next to you is carrying and if you try to lighten the load, it’s likely to only get heavier with guilt.

No, you can’t wear my shoes, and nor would I ask you to,  but you can sit next to me on the stump in the middle of the bumpy path somewhere in the distant nearby. You can help me admire the tree that grows from the core of rock. You can lift my blindfold and help me see the glimmer of light at the end of the cave in the blackest of blackness.

A magic wand isn’t needed.

Just a smile in the grocery’s aisle. There is no heavy cost just a hug on the street. No extraordinary amounts of energy just a brief note in Messenger to say Hi. There is no burden to carry, just a prayer or positive thought. Grief is the loneliest feeling, even in a room full of people and laughs all around, because the path is forever-changing and even on the best days there’s only salty water from the river of grief to quench your thirst.