Open Letter from a Broken-Hearted Momma

Hello dear friends,

I am sorry it has been so long since I have written to you. I hope this letter finds you well. Can you believe Ava would have graduated from high school this year if cancer had not stolen her from us? And when I say “us,” I mean you too not just me. She was determined and destined to make the world a better place, and her death left that work undone. It doesn’t seem possible that this September will mark seven years since she took her final breath. Waking up every day without her is the hardest thing. I don’t get to turn away from the elephant in the room; this life is HARD! Yes, death is inevitable, but losing Ava is a tragedy I will never recover from.

Ava was the sun, moon, and stars, so it is not an exaggeration to say everything went dark and stood still on 9/11/2017. I had to learn to “be” again because a whole new “being” emerged, fully engulfed in trauma, grief, fear, and anxiety. I was already living in full-fledged fight-or-flight mode since 2008 when she was first diagnosed with cancer, but it all seemed “doable” as long as she was alive.

And then she was gone.

I read the other day that the person you become to survive unfathomable tragedy is “temporary”. That person has one task and that is survival. On the other side of survival, to heal there needs to be a new person. You will never be the person before and you shouldn’t stay in survival-only mode, so there needs to be a “new” person that emerges. When I read this I thought of the stages of a butterfly and it gave me hope. A little piece of quiet hope I can carry forward. (this is my summary of what I recall from that post. I can’t find it, or I would tag it. It resonated with me at this time in my life, so I wanted to share it.) 

Kris, Emma, and I work hard to do as much good in this world as we can manage because it is the glue that holds our brokenness together. We started the Living Ava’s Way Foundation to find some sort of purpose in Ava’s honor and to distract us from the unbearable pain. She had dreams left unfulfilled, so here we are trying to bring full circle to a little girl’s hopes and wishes.

The year is half over, and I will tell you the first half was HARD! Graduation was bittersweet, with Ava’s school and classmates all being so supportive! In three days, we will celebrate Ava in the most AV-mazing ways with a huge community block party. There will be so many of her favorite things: music, pink and purple ice cream, face painting, crafts, and yes, pro wrestling. Ava was a rock star at heart, and she would LOVE this!

As you may have heard, we are working hard to make some necessary updates to Ava’s Garden in Bondurant. With the help of the Bondurant Men’s Club, Cyclone Fanatics, donors, and the Paving Ava’s Way walk-a-thon, we were able to pave the sidewalk through the garden, but work is still needed. The event this weekend will help fund some of that work.

I have a surprise announcement about Ava’s Garden to make on Saturday at the event, so be sure to come on out! You will find the event details on our website here: https://livingavasway.com/avas-2nd-annual-block-party/ Details are also on our Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/share/yHePnecgqUo1bd29/

Please join us as we celebrate Ava’s life, honor her memory, and continue the work she inspired. Your support means the world to us and helps keep Ava’s spirit alive in our hearts and our community.

With heartfelt gratitude,
Joni