20 Years of Marriage
Marriage is a promise to be there in sickness and in health, a promise between two imperfect human beings. Today, I celebrate 20 years of marriage to my wonderful husband. I would love to sit here and tell you it has always been blissful and beautiful, but that isn’t reality. Over half of our marriage, we have fought childhood cancer.
We fought for Ava and our family for nearly ten years. Losing her is the hardest thing we have ever faced, and there is a massive part of our hearts missing. To say that our marriage survived the greatest tragedy is honorable, but we have only just begun.
There is no one I would rather face the world with every day. The hell we have endured has left us scarred. There are giant ruts where pain has driven straight through us like a derailed locomotive.
My husband has held me tighter when I wanted to let go. He has pushed me harder when I couldn’t move forward. There have been times he has held me up when I couldn’t do so myself. There are times he has held me back and calmed me down.
He leads me, he follows me, and he stands beside me.
We hurt every single day. We draw apart in anguish and come back because no one else understands. Grief is isolating and marriage is hard, but I will gratefully put in the effort to have a future with my husband. No one knows how long we have, so count each day as a blessing.
To Kris–
We have been the best
and the worst to each other.
We have fallen
and risen, just to fall again.
We have shared gut aching laughs
and life-shattering loss.
We have stumbled up mountains
and slid joyfully downhills.
We have kissed and hugged daily,
And wiped too many tears.
We have held hands on peaceful walks
And gripped arms in horrific terror.
We have pushed each other to be better
and stood up for each other when necessary.
We have said no out of selfishness
and we have said yes when all odds were against us.
We have screamed in each other’s faces
and serenaded each other’s hearts.
We have stood our ground out of sheer stubbornness
and we have bent over backward out of pure insanity.
We have felt more pain than bearable
and yet we continue to find love.
We said I do for always
and I still do, always and forever.
