Her Mark

It’s been a while, clearly way too long since I sat down here and shared. The wind is howling and I am cold. Not just temperature cold but fridged through and through. The wind is strong and nearly constant today. It’s days like this that leave me emotionally imbalanced.

We have been working on a home remodel project and I have run out of gas. I need to get busy sanding and painting again, but my energy is low. I was going gangbusters until I got to the girl’s bathroom to stain and paint. Ava’s things; her makeup, hair bows, toothbrush, and towels remain, but as I was sanding the vanity to apply new stain and sealant I could feel gouges in the wood from her beautiful long nails. I left them.

I could not bring myself to sand her marks away.

This house was built for our family of four. In fact, Ava was due the day we signed papers. She was born 5 days later, just long enough to prepare for her arrival and get settled in a bit.

I never imagined she would die in this home 12 years later.

I know changing the paint and vinyl can’t diminish my love for Ava, but that fact doesn’t make these changes any easier either. I miss her presence dearly and I love the etches in the cabinets.

She left her mark on me, one that can never be sanded away.