400 Days

October 16^th marks 400 days since you climbed to your forever castle. It’s been very gloomy and rainy this fall and the weight of your absence is very heavy on my heart. This journey through life without you is challenging. Everywhere I go and everything I do is a constant reminder of your absence.

The impact is significant in that joy is hard to come by; it fades as quickly as it comes. The focus is hard to maintain because thoughts of you are always looming. Peace is plagued by the guilt that I could not protect you. The loss of your life has a power source all its own, a source of power I am trying to harness to carry on your legacy.

The number 400 symbolizes going on a spiritual journey, ending and beginning a phase or a cycle in your life.  I also learned according to Guinness:  the largest ensemble of car horns is 400. Four hundred miles is the distance between Des Moines and Fargo. The Sun is approximately 400 times the size of the Moon but also is approximately 400 times further away, creating the temporary illusion in which the Sun and Moon in Earth’s sky appear as if of similar size.

In the past 400 days without you, thousands of dollars were raised for the Children’s’ Cancer Connection. Your wish for kids with cancer and their siblings to go to camp for free was made true for a long time to come. Your 4H club built a memorial garden in your name. It won honors at both the County and  State Fair. Two blood drives have been held and approximately 800 lives have been sustained in your honor. Money for childhood cancer research was raised through St Baldrick’s, The Great Cycle Challenge and Alex’s Million Mile. Your school district created the Diva Tree for the Festival of Trees and Lights. It won 1^st place last year while raising money for Blank Children’s Child Life Department. It still stands in the corner of our living room casting a beautiful Ava glow.

My beautiful angel even in your absence your legacy continues to shine. I will continue to fight against childhood cancer by raising funds for research and I will continue to share your story and make a difference in this world Ava’s Way. As the leaves begin to change I am reminded another season without you has come and gone and another season of change lies ahead. We can’t stop it, so we conquer it one step at a time, one day at a time, one season at a time.

Love you to the moon and back and back again my princess!

Forever and always,

Momma