The Gift of a Letter

It’s been a long time since someone has written me a letter. The gift of a letter is nice every now and again. For someone to take the time to pen a note is a special rarity. These days social media makes for instant communication in our instant world. I am just as guilty of not writing letters. In fact, I have one that needs to be written, because believe it or not I know someone that doesn’t use technology to communicate.

“Letter writing can be seen as a gift because someone has taken his/her time to write and think and express love.” ― Soraya Diase Coffelt

As hard as it is to imagine being internet free, it is also intriguing. Several months ago, I made it a rule that when I am stressed out or maxed out emotionally I stay away from internet related things, such as text, email, and social media. I can’t say I shut down the internet completely because I blog for stress relief and you can’t beat a good Netflix show to shut the brain down for a bit. It makes it a challenge at times to reach me, but I’m a much happier person when you do. Sounds selfish, but my sanity depends upon being able or willing to disconnect when necessary.

According to Hannah Nichols, How modern life affects our physical and mental health, “The technological and social media advances of the past decade have bred the “constant checker.” A constant checker is a person who constantly, almost obsessively, checks their emails, texts, and social media accounts. This profile is synonymous with 43 percent of U.S. individuals.

Constant checkers repeatedly check their text messages, emails, and social media. Being continuously connected in this way has been linked with higher stress levels. Moreover, 18 percent of individuals have identified technology use as a significant source of stress.”

Losing Ava took its toll on my mind, but also my body. My hair was falling out. I couldn’t sleep then I couldn’t wake up. My joints and muscles hurt every day like I had just run a marathon. I couldn’t eat. And the list goes on. My body was on STRESS overload and I had to make changes. That is where the internet limitation rule came into play for me.

According to this article,  The Grief Coaster: Understanding stress in grief , “Stress has been linked to a number of mental and physical health problems, including cancer, diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, migraine, headaches, ulcers, sleep problems, and anxiety and depression, so it’s wise for grieving people to actively seek out constructive ways to cope with their experiences.”

Writing is also a constructive way for me to cope. I used to write to Ava after she passed away. I think I was afraid I would forget things, so writing to her was a way to communicate and also log memories, feelings, and ideas. I had even thought of compiling them into a book, but then I stopped. I’m not sure why. Maybe I’ll write an eBook and call it “Letters to Ava” or “Dear Ava”.

Today as I sat at the cemetery I was drawn to write to her again. Just a little note, to say Hi and I miss you. She loved writing notes for everyone. Maybe she got that from me? I would write her notes in her lunch box or on the counter, so when she got up she would start her day with love.

The next time I feel stressed out I will walk away from my phone, grab a pencil and paper and write a letter. I may send it or save it, but either way, it will be a gift.

Here’s my Dear Ava letter today.

Dear Ava,

This weekend will be our first Memorial Day without you. You loved this weekend, the big kick-off to summer. You loved our country too, so you would don your red white and blue outfits and headbands. Ready for the pool, fire pit, and some smoked meat.

Tomorrow your classmates finish the 6th grade, you should be running off the bus with a backpack full of school stuff and a huge smile. Every time that bus stops in front of the house I look up, even after 8 months, so I won’t miss it this summer. No more bus stops won’t change all the things I will miss doing with you this summer.

I will miss sending you to camp. I can hardly think about camp without crying. Emma will be going to both Oncology and Sibling camp this year. She will be a Leader In Training (LIT). I am excited for her, but sad because you should be there with her.

I will miss going to the pool with you. You loved to float around on my lap, and I loved having you so close. I will miss rubbing you down with sunscreen, so you would turn a golden tan and not bright red. I miss the tiny sunkissed freckles across your nose.

I will miss going on bike rides with you. I loved watching you pedal down the street with the wind in your face, blowing your golden hair. Your Daddy, Emma and I are riding to raise money for children’s cancer research in your honor. We will ride 100 miles each in June, I didn’t think about Emma’s busy schedule so instead of 30 days to ride 100 miles we are down to 16 days! It will be a challenge, but we learned how to face challenges from you, so we will make lots of memories in your honor!

I will miss cleaning out your closet because you grew and needed new clothes. I will miss taking you shopping for new summer fashions. You loved summer dresses, swimsuits, and sandals too. You would pick bright fabrics with beautiful busy patterns and most likely something shiny and/or glittery. You would wear your new summer duds with joy and confidence.

I will miss helping you with your 4H projects to show at the fair. You grew and learned so much, it was a joy to watch. What a blessing to see you shine doing the things you loved. I look at your wall of ribbons every day and think what a wonder you were.

I will miss fishing with you. You were the best fisher girl ever. Every time you dropped a line you had a fish on. It infuriated your sister. Truth is she caught as many as everyone else just not as many as you. They must have liked your pink pole the best.

I will miss sitting on the front porch with you watching the world pass by. I will miss how you would lay your head on my shoulder as we soaked up the sun at the end of the day either in silence or reminiscing. I miss the stories about your day. I loved hearing you tell me about all the things you did and learned.

I will miss picking wildflowers with you for our dining room table. You loved to go on walks and gather all sorts of beautiful flowers to arrange for decoration. Just a little bit of natures beauty inside, since we couldn’t be outside all the time.

I will miss making chalk masterpieces on the driveway and sidewalk. We would fill every square with a colorful piece of art to enjoy until the next rain. Rainbows, butterflies, smiley faces, flowers, stars, were just a few of the things you loved to draw.

Today I resealed your wooden cross and put it in the yard. I also put your flag back on the porch and a small flag at the cemetery in your honor on this Memorial Day weekend. I hope you like what I did.

We have a male and female cardinal family talking to us from our trees almost daily. They make me think of you, especially in the morning when they wake me up, just like you use to. Thank you for the gift. I am just a little nervous they will go away, so I hung a few DIY feeders. I secretly hope they have a nest, I would be thrilled to have baby cardinals. We have lots of baby Robins, but well you know these days I’m partial to the red birds.

I guess that’s it for now. Keep shining sweet princess. I will forever miss you my Sunshine.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Love you always and forever,

Momma