Letting Anger Go

It’s tough to imagine my life without Ava, yet I am living it each day, two hundred and fifty-four days to be exact. My emotions are all over the place; from deep sadness, heavy anxiety, dark anger, sometimes a combination of all. I have learned that anger in grief is common and often prevalent after a tragic loss. Kris, Emma and I have talked about the anger we have felt during the last eight months. It feels abnormal to be so short tempered during such a time of sadness.

Anger is the ugliest for me because sadness is expected, anxiety too. Anger is the curveball, not unexpected after all the pain and suffering, just different. The feeling of betrayal is awful and lonely. My very trust in faith was snuffed out like a candle and boy was it dark. I have slowly begun to regrow my faith one prayer at a time.

Romans 8:6 – For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

I was watching Longmire last night and a particular scene struck a chord. A grieving mother 20 years after the loss of her child insisted on seeing her child’s killer’s corpse. As the sheet was pulled back, she grabbed a pair of scissors and proceeded to violently stab the corpse. Initially, I thought wow that’s kind of crazy, then I stopped my judgment and thought what if that were cancer on the table, would I do the same?

This scene made me stop and think, what more can I do to release my anger? How do I free myself so it doesn’t consume me? I don’t want to carry the heavy burden of betrayal with me forever. In soul searching on the internet I found this quote and it spoke to me.

“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom”. Rumi

Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/rumi_597890?src=t_grief

I pondered what it meant to keep your heart open. There are many great articles out there, but if you struggle with anger, this article helped open my eyes to life with an open heart. A Life That Matters: 6 Ways to Live From Your Heart, by Sheila Zia

Focus on Small Things

The passion to make great changes in our world is commendable, but it is our small, often unnoticed actions that truly make a difference in the world. Mother Teresa said it best when she stated—

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

Change Your Yardstick

Every life has value and purpose. If we are here to heal and change each other, then living from your heart requires measuring achievement by how well you live and love each day; it defines success as bravely facing tomorrow in spite of the heartbreak of today. Because when you live from a heart that has been reborn, your life is based on soul work, not just a paycheck. Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen, a physician who worked with the dying wrote in her bestseller Kitchen Table Wisdom –

“Every one of us matters. And we have the ability to befriend and strengthen the life in one another; to heal and change the world, one heart at a time.”

Risk Being Hurt

Don’t let fear guide your actions or choices. Instead of holding back, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Being “sensitive” is not a weakness but a strength, for it is empathy that enables our life’s most genuine experiences, authentic interactions and fulfilling relationships.

Live for Impact

Soulful living starts with the heart, even if it takes a more time and you may not always see the results. Productivity really doesn’t matter if what we do isn’t effective and work cannot be considered valuable if it does not make an impact. Living a life of value has very little to do with getting things done. Ask anyone who is dying. Yes, it is risky to care, but nothing withers the soul like indifference. A prayer is just words if we don’t live it, and our actions are a testimony to what we believe in. Sister Helen Prejean, the nun who wrote Dead Man Walking: An Eyewitness Account of the Death Penalty in the United States, once said –

“I saw the suffering and I let myself feel it…I saw the injustice and let myself do something about it. I changed from being a nun who prayed for a suffering world to a nun with my sleeves rolled up, living my prayer…So I keep watching what I do to see what I actually believe.”

Change Your Words

Sometimes simply asking ourselves, “Have I spoken the words that matter today?” Words like, I love you. Thank You. I’m Sorry. Forgive me. In the end, that’s all that’s really left to say, and what we will regret not saying when, not if, we run out of time.

Let Life Change You

A big part of becoming who we were made to be, a soul choice, is making peace with what is, while being open to what will be. To be alive is to be exposed. It can hurt and it won’t always be fair. But the way we choose to respond to the hurt and unfairness will determine who we ultimately become. Martin Luther King Jr. knew the truth of this choice when he said –

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

Our life may take several drafts and revisions to get it just right. Life can be messy, but if the end result is something beautiful, then the mess will be worth it.

There is no formal training in how to live a life well-loved. But a wise heart is a willing heart, for it knows that there are no guarantees of tomorrow, and that to live big and wide and love recklessly is — in the end — the only kind of life that will matter.